Big Changes

Okay, reading the beginning of the last post, well, things have changed. In the time since then, Henry has gotten increasingly fussy. I have come to accept that he likely has colic. But that hopefully at 6 weeks (just after the peak of fussiness) he will get better. IF not, then maybe at 12 weeks. It is easier if I just think "two more weeks..."

I didn't think it was colic because he isn't always crying, but apparently colic is characterized by fussiness, not necessarily crying. And yes, it lasts on and off for three hours at a time. The worst is the mornings. At about 5 or 6 am he'll usually nurse, but then I can't seem to get him to lay back down. I'm up every thirty or forty minutes and pick him up and he burps or farts, or just calms down and then I put him down and it starts all over again. This goes on until about 8 or 9. And that is usually coinciding with Charlotte waking up. So I"m trying to soothe him or sometimes nurse him while she wants to get up, get juice and breakfast, sit in my lap, etcetera.

This morning I greeted my husband by yelling "I'm going to fucking kill someone if I don't get some god-damn sleep!". Lovely.

So PPD?? probably. But what to do about it?? Nothing. Just get through I guess. I'll have a better week maybe this week since Dave only works Mon-wed. THat helps. Just three days. Then as long as Thanksgiving goes okay...I'll get a few days with Dave. He's tired too. No one likes a screaming baby. And when it is paired with a screaming toddler...well, you just wanna kill someone. Most people with ppd want to hurt the baby. I mostly want to hurt Charlotte and this makes me feel terrible!

Let's give it two more weeks. Two more weeks. Two more weeks. Two more...

Random Thoughts...

Wow, I have a few minutes, so we'll see what comes out. Lots of thoughts that I'd like to post, but not lots of time to post them!

Things are going well! Surprisingly, Henry seems to be just as good a sleeper as he is an eater. Maybe all the eating helps. He is nursing 2-3 hours apart during the day and the last couple of nights has done a few 4 hour stretches. Much different from CJ. She nursed about every 1-2 hours around the clock. I didn't even get a 3 hour break until she was two weeks and no 4 hour stretch until about christmastime.

Here is what I know about Henry. He is soooooo cute and I love his warm little head. I forgot how sweet a newborn can be. He hates diaper changes and cries violently, but it is getting better. I'm sure it has to do with the circumcision...ouch! He has to burp and poop ALOT during nursing, so I'm never quite sure when we're done. He'll pause to do both so even though he eats fast, it takes a while with all the little breaks he takes.

Charlotte just adores him and has plenty of confidence in holding him and pushing him on his swing. We try to tell her gentle (we say that about a million times a day to her) and she is pretty good, but she must be watched closely. She likes to help by putting blankets on him (scary) and insists when I'm nursing that it is "her turn!". She saw me nurse the first time and wanted to know what was happening. "henry eating?", she said. I said "can you say 'breastfeeding'?" and she said "Henry eating boob!" I guess that's all I can get from her right now.

We went to the mall and Lowes today as a family. Even with Dave I felt like managing the two was tough. just the logistics of the cart and the baby carrier. We took the new stroller for a test drive and CJ was okay with it at first, but it allows too much freedom if she isn't strapped in she'll jump right out.

Physically, I seem to be healing, though I'm dealing with hemorrhoids, which is new territory for me. But I put out some questions to my mothers and more group and find that I am not unique! So I am getting good advice. That is where the majority of my pain is coming from. I still can't believe I delivered naturally. Every time I lay down, I re-hash the whole thing in my head. I just can't believe how it all happened. So fast! I'm thankful for that and pretty darn scared about if I have another child! Dr. said I'd need to rent a Winnebago and live in the parking lot of the hospital the last month :-) Seriously.

Charlotte is napping, Henry is napping, and I just woke up from my nap so we are all doing great right now! Well, I think I'll use the rest of this free time to take care of house stuff.