So last night I was giving Dave the middle of the night feeding; this is usually around 3 to 5 am. That way I'd be able to sleep from about midnight hopefully until about 6 or 7. But at 3:00 I woke up and had an upset stomach. SO I told Dave, never mind, I'd just feed her at 3:30 since I was awake anyway. Dave was a trooper and he got up with me anyway. I told him I didn't feel well, almost like I was going to throw up. I used the bathroom and there was some scary diarrhea. Remember, I'm still taking a stool softener, so that didn't help anything.But I fed her and when I was done went back to bed.
It's funny, when you're sick how at first you think "I don't want to be sick, I hope I don't throw up", then you feel awful and think, "maybe I"ll feel better if I throw up", then it turns into "I need to throw up, I feel so terrible. I couldn't sleep and at 4:30 got up and puked. I was glad for it by then because I felt so yucky. The diarrhea continued and the puking and I was getting really worried about whether or not I should feed Charlotte. It is one thing for me to be sick and miserable, but my tiny 3 week old baby?? Dave again got up with me for the 5:30 feeding and we called the pediatrician to ask if I should still breastfeed. She said, yes, it was okay, but make sure wash my hands and nipples because the sickness won't go through the breastmilk, but it will go still be transmitted through spit and the usualy methods.
I'm used to getting little sleep, but last night, I got NONE! I was up to vomit or poop or feed, or all three, all night long. I had a terrible fever, but couldn't keep anything down, including Ibuprofen. I had Dave make some jello and I kept breastfeeding since I was awake and couldn't sleep. I fed her around 11:30 and asked Dave to use the bottle on the next feeding so that I could rest. I finally had some jello at about 1:30 and kept it down so I took some ibuprofen and my fever broke. I woke up at 2:50 drenched in sweat, I was in bed in my flannel jammies and my robe, just shivering until then. SO I got up to wash the vomit out of my hair and wash the sweat off, and I feel much better now.
Nothing like sickness helps you to appreciate health! I feel so weak since I usually drink about 4 liters of water a day, and today I had a glass or two and a bowl of jello. I ate some soup at 3 and I"m working on replenishing my fluids.
Little Charlotte is blessedly unaffected by whatever this sickness was. But I was totally out of commission. I had this list of things I wanted to do today (including get a christmas tree) but I'll be happy to just keep making it through the day without puking more. I'm so lucky Dave was already home today...I don't think I could've taken care of Charlotte and me in that condition.
Do yourself a favor and just stop and feel thankful for your health- whether you're tired or have a cold, or whatever, at least you aren't emptying the entire contents of your body into the toilet. That is something to be thankful for.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Sunday, November 26, 2006
T + 3 weeks
We are now three weeks out from Charlotte's birth. I feel pretty lucky to have Dave home for three weeks, but I think I'm getting spoiled! Things are going pretty well, here is an update:
Breasts: doing well, not bleeding or chapped, though it hurts when she initially latches on.
"Bottom": Good, I'm not afraid of pooping any more.
Sleep: Better, getting about two hours at a time in three shifts at night. Try to take naps, but still struggle to do more than an hour at a time. Had Dave give her a bottle this morning in a vain effort to get more sleep, but the timing was bad since he got the 8 o'clock feeding, and it was light and I woke up anyway...
House: Not clean, but not a disaster. Still so thankful to Mom for cleaning my bathrooms. Seriously, she cleaned (including mopping the floor) both bathrooms.
School: Who cares! :-)
Charlotte: Freakin' adorable!! Starting to look more like...a person and less like a generic baby. Hair is getting longer, but still not curling like I want. She is pretty good and stays awake for long stretches, but sometimes I think too long....she gets a little crabby because I think she's fighting sleep. Her most crabby period occurs right when I'm trying to go to bed, somewhere between 9 and 11 pm. She is almost always fussy then. But the good news is that the pacifier seems to work pretty well when we need it.
So my days still consist of pretty much feedding the baby, feeding myself, and then waiting to feed the baby. Oh, and trying to nap and getting pissed off when I think I've slept for three hours and then look at the clock and it's been 45 minutes.
I think I'm going to try to have a "goal" or a trip to do every day. That way I have something to look forward to. Maybe just the bf (breastfeeding) group, or a trip to the store or mall, or maybe even cleaning something here at home!
I have to give props to my husband for doing such a great job. He's not perfect, but I guess nobody can read my mind exactly :-) Good old Dave is taking care of stuff that needs taking care of around the house (though it takes him away from me a little), he is on laundry duty, dutifully dousing dirty diapers and all other laundry, and he watches the baby when I ask. THis last task is usually letting her lay on the couch next to him as he is on the computer, but it works. ONe of hte most important things he does is tells me to chill out. This is essential. And it might not seem like I appreciate it, but I do.
THanksgiving was nice. On "thanksgiving eve" we went to Muskegon to my cousin's house for Grandma's 87th birthday. It was her first time seeing the baby and I think it is extra special since I named her after Grandma's mother, Charlotte Jane Williams. It was a good time, there were lots of people to show off the baby to. (how do I nod end that sentence with preposition? Lots of people to whom to show off the baby?). ANyway, on Thanksgiving I went back to Muskegon to Mom's and she did a bang-up job on the dinner! Chip brought some great brussell sprouts with a white sauce and I made some tasty pumpkin pies. Mom did the rest (thanks, mom). We ate, I napped (albeit a short one), we hung out, ate again, and got home in time for Dave's mom (who visited this weekend) to watch Grey's Anatomy.
Dave goes back to work on THursday, but before then, I'd like to get a Christmas tree and allow him the joy of middle of the night feedings for a few days. THen Charlotte and I will be on our own until February when (gasp!) I have to go back to work. Boo.
Breasts: doing well, not bleeding or chapped, though it hurts when she initially latches on.
"Bottom": Good, I'm not afraid of pooping any more.
Sleep: Better, getting about two hours at a time in three shifts at night. Try to take naps, but still struggle to do more than an hour at a time. Had Dave give her a bottle this morning in a vain effort to get more sleep, but the timing was bad since he got the 8 o'clock feeding, and it was light and I woke up anyway...
House: Not clean, but not a disaster. Still so thankful to Mom for cleaning my bathrooms. Seriously, she cleaned (including mopping the floor) both bathrooms.
School: Who cares! :-)
Charlotte: Freakin' adorable!! Starting to look more like...a person and less like a generic baby. Hair is getting longer, but still not curling like I want. She is pretty good and stays awake for long stretches, but sometimes I think too long....she gets a little crabby because I think she's fighting sleep. Her most crabby period occurs right when I'm trying to go to bed, somewhere between 9 and 11 pm. She is almost always fussy then. But the good news is that the pacifier seems to work pretty well when we need it.
So my days still consist of pretty much feedding the baby, feeding myself, and then waiting to feed the baby. Oh, and trying to nap and getting pissed off when I think I've slept for three hours and then look at the clock and it's been 45 minutes.
I think I'm going to try to have a "goal" or a trip to do every day. That way I have something to look forward to. Maybe just the bf (breastfeeding) group, or a trip to the store or mall, or maybe even cleaning something here at home!
I have to give props to my husband for doing such a great job. He's not perfect, but I guess nobody can read my mind exactly :-) Good old Dave is taking care of stuff that needs taking care of around the house (though it takes him away from me a little), he is on laundry duty, dutifully dousing dirty diapers and all other laundry, and he watches the baby when I ask. THis last task is usually letting her lay on the couch next to him as he is on the computer, but it works. ONe of hte most important things he does is tells me to chill out. This is essential. And it might not seem like I appreciate it, but I do.
THanksgiving was nice. On "thanksgiving eve" we went to Muskegon to my cousin's house for Grandma's 87th birthday. It was her first time seeing the baby and I think it is extra special since I named her after Grandma's mother, Charlotte Jane Williams. It was a good time, there were lots of people to show off the baby to. (how do I nod end that sentence with preposition? Lots of people to whom to show off the baby?). ANyway, on Thanksgiving I went back to Muskegon to Mom's and she did a bang-up job on the dinner! Chip brought some great brussell sprouts with a white sauce and I made some tasty pumpkin pies. Mom did the rest (thanks, mom). We ate, I napped (albeit a short one), we hung out, ate again, and got home in time for Dave's mom (who visited this weekend) to watch Grey's Anatomy.
Dave goes back to work on THursday, but before then, I'd like to get a Christmas tree and allow him the joy of middle of the night feedings for a few days. THen Charlotte and I will be on our own until February when (gasp!) I have to go back to work. Boo.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Two weeks old today!
Wow, the last two weeks have been amazing....ly hard!! YOu take all these classes, and read books, and talk to people for 9 months to prepare for labor. Then it is done in about a day, and before you know it, you're sent home with a new baby and no clue about what to do! If you're the laid-back type, you probably don't have a problem with this. But I'm not. I've spent every spare moment (though there aren't many) on the internet or with my nose in a book trying to figure out what "normal" is and what I"m supposed to do.
Being a mother apparently comes with a Ginormous guilty conscience and incredible amounts of self doubt. Add this to the serious lack of sleep and you get insanity. I know everyone talks about the lack of sleep, but what I've experienced so far simple can't be conveyed unless by actual experience.
At first, you're supposed to "demand-feed" your baby. Feed her when she wants to eat. Should be about 8 to 12 times in 24 hours, or every 2 or 3 hours. Fine. But what about when she wants more than that? The breastfeeding people (this isn't really a club, but an assortment of support group and lactation therapists) tell you, yes, some babies want to eat almost every hour. That is normal for some babies. It is called "cluster feeding" and it is really hard, but still okay.
Charlotte doesn't always want to eat every hour, usually it just happens at night. I'd go to bed at 9:30, toss and turn for an hour even though I'm exhausted my mind is racing and can't sleep til 10:30. Then Dave brings her up at 11:30 for feeding. This lasts an hour or so. I put her back down (12:30). Then she's up at 1:30 or 2:00. Feed for an hour, put her down at 3:00. She's up at 3:30, Oh, I guess she's not done. So I feed another 1/2 or so more. Fine, put her down at 4:00. She's up at 5:00. I ask Dave to settle her, I just fed her 1.5 hours worth, she can't be hungry. But somehow she is. I feed again, maybe just 30 minutes this time, and put her down at 5:30 and she sleeps til 7:00. Then she's up again for feeding. I get done at 7:45 and head back to bed, but she's up again at 9:00 and by that time, I'm up for the day, or I"m supposed to be.
Imagine this scenario for about 14 days. During the day I nap if I can, but usually can't get more than 1.5 hours at a stretch.
This is until yesterday. Dave went to DiGennaro's to brew and I was alone for the first time. I had a crummy (usual) night and woke up at 10:30 ish. I showered and ate lunch. Fed her at 11:00. Tried to nap from 12:30 to 1:30, no can do. Mind racing.
Jen calls and I'm in tears, I just can't take any more!! She says I should come over, and I decide to because I can't even think. Dave comes to get me (I still can't drive and really shouldn't in that state anyway). I'm balling and I get to Jen's balling and basically having a melt-down. I feed Charlotte and Jen gives me a pair of ear plugs and tells me to nap on her bed, she'll take the baby. I say it won't matter because she'll want to eat in 30 minutes anyway. But I lay down.
Two hours later, they get me. I got two hours of sleep! IN a row!! but have a royal headache from all the crying. Jen says that Charlotte sucked on Jen's finger for about an hour!! Huh, maybe she doesn't actually want to feed all the time, maybe she just needs a pacifier. Now, how come I never even thought of that?? Well, I didn't want to use a pacifier...nipple confusion. If an infant is trying to nurse and has a plastic nipple, she sometimes can't get the right suck for nursing.
Screw nipple confusion! Get me a pacifier! Since I woke up from that nap, where Charlotte was actually away from me long enough to work up a good appetite, which meant she ate well and then followed it by sleeping well, she has been a new baby.
Last night I fed her at 9:30, 1 am, 4 am, and 7 am. And, she only ate for about 30 minutes each time. I got about 10 hours of sleep. NOt in a row, of course, which does make a difference. But wow. ANd then today, the same thing. She's eating about every 2.5 to 3 hours. And she's been pretty good.
Jen and I went to the store and got pacifiers last night, but I haven't had to use it much. She doesn't seem to really like it, but then again, putting it in her mouth if she is actually hungry isn't going to work anyway. I did try it right after I fed her and put her down and she fussed a little. I put it in and sat down to write thank you's and she was quiet and so I thought, great, she loves it, but when I looked, she spat it out and was just sleeping. That is fine! I just want her to be quiet when necessary and wait a good amount of time for a feeding so that the feeding if full, not a "snack".
Oh, and infants are incredibly noisy!! They grunt and gurgle and sometimes cry out, then are quiet. They breathe loud and fast sometimes, and just when you want them to be quiet, they are and then you're up to check that they are still breathing!! I don't know how much longer she'll stay in the bassinett in our room, we might need to move her to the nursery so I can sleep a little better.
I feel better today, but one night of "better" sleep isn't exactly a cure-all. I"m still exhausted, but today I managed to clean off my desk, clean the kitchen, write a few thank-you's and chat with a few friends. If this keeps up, I'll be so happy...I just couldn't take anymore of the "night monster". But each night, I worry when the sun goes down. I dread the night because it was such hell. Maybe in a few days if this new schedule works out, the night won't seem so daunting.
God bless every mom. Tell your mom you love her and you're grateful.
Being a mother apparently comes with a Ginormous guilty conscience and incredible amounts of self doubt. Add this to the serious lack of sleep and you get insanity. I know everyone talks about the lack of sleep, but what I've experienced so far simple can't be conveyed unless by actual experience.
At first, you're supposed to "demand-feed" your baby. Feed her when she wants to eat. Should be about 8 to 12 times in 24 hours, or every 2 or 3 hours. Fine. But what about when she wants more than that? The breastfeeding people (this isn't really a club, but an assortment of support group and lactation therapists) tell you, yes, some babies want to eat almost every hour. That is normal for some babies. It is called "cluster feeding" and it is really hard, but still okay.
Charlotte doesn't always want to eat every hour, usually it just happens at night. I'd go to bed at 9:30, toss and turn for an hour even though I'm exhausted my mind is racing and can't sleep til 10:30. Then Dave brings her up at 11:30 for feeding. This lasts an hour or so. I put her back down (12:30). Then she's up at 1:30 or 2:00. Feed for an hour, put her down at 3:00. She's up at 3:30, Oh, I guess she's not done. So I feed another 1/2 or so more. Fine, put her down at 4:00. She's up at 5:00. I ask Dave to settle her, I just fed her 1.5 hours worth, she can't be hungry. But somehow she is. I feed again, maybe just 30 minutes this time, and put her down at 5:30 and she sleeps til 7:00. Then she's up again for feeding. I get done at 7:45 and head back to bed, but she's up again at 9:00 and by that time, I'm up for the day, or I"m supposed to be.
Imagine this scenario for about 14 days. During the day I nap if I can, but usually can't get more than 1.5 hours at a stretch.
This is until yesterday. Dave went to DiGennaro's to brew and I was alone for the first time. I had a crummy (usual) night and woke up at 10:30 ish. I showered and ate lunch. Fed her at 11:00. Tried to nap from 12:30 to 1:30, no can do. Mind racing.
Jen calls and I'm in tears, I just can't take any more!! She says I should come over, and I decide to because I can't even think. Dave comes to get me (I still can't drive and really shouldn't in that state anyway). I'm balling and I get to Jen's balling and basically having a melt-down. I feed Charlotte and Jen gives me a pair of ear plugs and tells me to nap on her bed, she'll take the baby. I say it won't matter because she'll want to eat in 30 minutes anyway. But I lay down.
Two hours later, they get me. I got two hours of sleep! IN a row!! but have a royal headache from all the crying. Jen says that Charlotte sucked on Jen's finger for about an hour!! Huh, maybe she doesn't actually want to feed all the time, maybe she just needs a pacifier. Now, how come I never even thought of that?? Well, I didn't want to use a pacifier...nipple confusion. If an infant is trying to nurse and has a plastic nipple, she sometimes can't get the right suck for nursing.
Screw nipple confusion! Get me a pacifier! Since I woke up from that nap, where Charlotte was actually away from me long enough to work up a good appetite, which meant she ate well and then followed it by sleeping well, she has been a new baby.
Last night I fed her at 9:30, 1 am, 4 am, and 7 am. And, she only ate for about 30 minutes each time. I got about 10 hours of sleep. NOt in a row, of course, which does make a difference. But wow. ANd then today, the same thing. She's eating about every 2.5 to 3 hours. And she's been pretty good.
Jen and I went to the store and got pacifiers last night, but I haven't had to use it much. She doesn't seem to really like it, but then again, putting it in her mouth if she is actually hungry isn't going to work anyway. I did try it right after I fed her and put her down and she fussed a little. I put it in and sat down to write thank you's and she was quiet and so I thought, great, she loves it, but when I looked, she spat it out and was just sleeping. That is fine! I just want her to be quiet when necessary and wait a good amount of time for a feeding so that the feeding if full, not a "snack".
Oh, and infants are incredibly noisy!! They grunt and gurgle and sometimes cry out, then are quiet. They breathe loud and fast sometimes, and just when you want them to be quiet, they are and then you're up to check that they are still breathing!! I don't know how much longer she'll stay in the bassinett in our room, we might need to move her to the nursery so I can sleep a little better.
I feel better today, but one night of "better" sleep isn't exactly a cure-all. I"m still exhausted, but today I managed to clean off my desk, clean the kitchen, write a few thank-you's and chat with a few friends. If this keeps up, I'll be so happy...I just couldn't take anymore of the "night monster". But each night, I worry when the sun goes down. I dread the night because it was such hell. Maybe in a few days if this new schedule works out, the night won't seem so daunting.
God bless every mom. Tell your mom you love her and you're grateful.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
My baby story- the arrival of Charlotte Jane
Warning: this post contains information that may be more than you wanted to know.
Okay, I've got lots to take care of and do (especially sleep) but I wanted to get this down before I forget the details.
First, Charlotte was about a week earlier than I thought she'd be, and about two weeks earlier than my doctor thought. So I planned to take care of all kinds of details on Sunday and just relax this week and prepare for the baby. Stuff I had to do included: Pack hosptial bag, get changing table and diaper pails set up, buy stuff at target/babies r us, clean the house, buy thank you notes, etc.
Instead, I chose to use my last free day at "teach a friend to homebrew day", which was nice and fun. It was a long day, we were at Hoffmaster State park about 11 am and ended in a parking lot a few miles away about 6 or 7 pm (long story for another day there). I had chili and brats. That part is important later.
That night, I thought a bath would be nice, but when I got in to soak, my giant belly just stuck right out of the water so it wasn't as good as I'd hoped. I did take the chipped nail polish off my toes and repainted them (as well as I could reach) and I managed to shave my legs, which I was happy about later.
Dave and I started a movie and at 9:30, which is pretty lame, decided we were both exhausted and to just go to bed. I thought about how Jen told me, "any night you don't get sleep and feel crummy, you could go into labor the next day so pamper yourself and don't get too tired". But I thought I was safe for about a week.
At about 11 pm I started my usual waking up alot routine of discomfort, but it was different. I felt sort of sick. No contraction, not really nauseous, just not right. ANd I was waking up 20 to 35 minutes or so. I had crazy dreams that someone was in labor (yeah, I didn't think it was me) and then I felt like I wet the bed, but not becuase it wasn't a trickle and it wasn't under my control, it was a whoosh. so I staggered/dripped to the bathroom and it just kept coming. It was 3 am. I went downstairs and called Dr. Murphy and I was on the phone when Dave actually woke up (he sleeps like the dead) and he figured out what was happening. The doctor told me to go to the hospital and I asked if it was alright if it took a little while since I wasn't even packed yet. He said it sounded like I wasn't having real contractions so it was okay. Dave got in the shower and I packed (thought I forgot all kinds of stuff) and we got to the hospital about 4 am. We checked in and they put us in triage to make sure I was in labor or needed to be there (water breaking was a good reason, even if it is premature). I was feeling mild contractions that were about 5 minutes apart, but very tolerable. I breathed throught them alright and thought I was doing great. I was not dilated at all :-( but about 90% effaced.
I was transferred to a labor and delivery room at about 5 am and contractions continued and got stronger. Dave rested on the couch and I on the bed and I listened to my relaxation tapes and relaxed (or tried to) until about 6:20. The contractions were different than I thought they'd feel. I felt alot like I was taking a tough poop, there was loads of pressure on my butt and back. The abdomen wasn't doing much, except down really low. I was sure I was making tons of progress since the contractions were getting really strong. I begged them to check me. 1 cm. "that's it?!" I said. A little frustrating.
This basic pattern continued, gradually getting stronger. The new nurse came on at 7 am and I got in the tub at about 7:20. Pretty much the same experience as before with my tummy being out and cold. When I was on my side it was much more painful, so I didn't do that. David helped me as much as he could, but there was little he could do. After that for a while, they checked my dilation again. No progress. a cm, maybe plus a little, but not really. The nurse said that she noticed I wanted to have as natural a birth as possible (avoing pain killers) and I said that I was starting to change my mind, maybe if I was just at 1 cm. and it was already this bad.
It was weird because I knew I was having these really hard contractions and I think they were 2 to 4 minutes apart, which is pretty close and steady for no progress to happen. But my back was getting worse and worse. The pain was getting really tough to deal with. My body was having a hard time with it. Before the contractions, I'd start just shaking, pretty hard, then it'd go into the contraction. The shaking was scary becasue I knew it was coming! I'd wave Dave over and then when he tried to take my hand I'd push him away (I didn't want to crush his hand). Dave was calling folks to say what was going on and Andy called and suggested he rub my back. That helped. The nurse had me get into hands and knees position, but that was like being on my side- more painful!
This whole time, every contraction, more water is letting loose. I didn't know that the placenta continued making amniotic fluid. I felt like I was in a swamp! The nurse kept changing the pad and blankets and eventually had to get another linen bin because we went through so many!
I asked for an epidural at about 8:30 or 9 am and they called Dr. Murphy and he said he'd get there about 10:15 to check me. He wanted to make sure I was making progress so they put my on pitocin. THat was tough because I was already feeling at my limit for contractions and pitocin makes them harder, more powerful.So I dealt with that for while :-(
Dr. Murphy got there right when he said. He checked me and I was still pretty much at 1 cm!! He watched the pattern of contractions and since they were coming in doubles and triples and still 2-4 minutes apart, he told me was back labor, which I hadn't even thought of, I thought it was totally normal. But it made sense since my back was being severed (it felt like). I felt like such a baby since I was only at 1 cm and begging for epidural, but the nurse said she's seen women who've had a few natural births have back labor and get an epidural fast. The reason I had back labor was that she was turned facing up instead of down. The back of her head was pressing on my spine. Ouch!
Dr. Murphy thought maybe epidural was a good idea; if I got relaxed enough, maybe she'd turn over. You can have a baby in a posterior position, but it isn't easy and not everyone can do it. So great, get that guy in here with the drugs!! But he was having a busy morning and he didn't get there until 11:20. In the mean time I was really losing it. I asked for Jesus more than once and told Dave to just get away and I was in hands and knees to give her room to flip, but that didn't really help. They also put a monitor on her head (I guess it gets screwed into the scalp) for her heartbeat since she was under different pressure than usual and we wanted to make sure we knew what was going on with her).
At 11:15 or so, he finally got there and started the preparations for the epidural, which unfortunately took long than I thought it would. Having 3 or 4 contractions while having the drugs right there but not in my was hard. It was harder still that I was having to sit up without any thing to really lean on or grap on when they hit. After he got it in (and I was careful to do everything he asked since an epidural can possibly result in paralysis or be just on one side, or go into the wrong space and cause bad headaches if it isn't applied correctly) I felt better. I asked if it was psychosomatic, and they said, no, it was just starting to work.
I nearly cried with relief. I love epidural man! I actually slept a little and rested alot and just couldn't beleive that I felt so good. I'd watch the monitor show my contractions and marvel. So at 12:30 or so I was at about 4 cm. That's 3 cm in one hour, yea! AN hour later, at 1:30 I was at 7, half an hour later at 2 I was at 8, and at 2:30 had just a little left to go.
Here is a gross part: since I couldn't feel much and the contractions pushed against my rectum, I was farting quite a bit. Plus, I had a suspicion there was more than just gas there. Sure enough, the nurse cleared away a poopy sheet more than once). Remember those brats and chili? ew. But I know it is normal, I just don't think the smell level was normal.
By this time, she'd turned over :-) but then it was scary because her heart tones would drop every now and again. Not a big deal if it is a little bit, but her's were really tanking. This meant that the cord was likely wrapped around something.
This is scary because every contraction to move her down puts her at a risk of oxygen loss (read: brain damage when I heard it). The doctor said we might need a cesarean, and if so, it would be emergency and we'd have to use general anesthetic (not time to make sure the epidural was right). But he said we might be able to still do it vaginally. For that to happen, it was a race against getting her through the birth canal fast enough. That meant probably help (forceps) and hard pushing work. I asked about the vacuum, but her head was a little crooked still and he needed to turn her as she came out and the vacuum wouldn't be able to do that as well as forceps.
So we went for it; I pushed about every other or every two contractions to give her heartones a chance to normalize. For pushing contractions I pushed ten seconds three times in a row. Sometime in there I guess the doctor had to cut me (episiotomy) in order to get the forceps in. They look like shoe-horns. I didn't notice but I'm impressed Dave didn't pass out watching that!
THe nurse had one leg and Dave had the other and I grabbed the instep of each foot. I was glad we practiced this in yoga. I could see on the doctors gloves lots of blood and also some poo...it must have been a mess down there. It was hard to know where to push since (blessedly) I couldn't really feel it. But the doctor said I'm a champ because I only pushed for about 20 minutes, and I think a total of 6 or so contractions. When she came out, it sort of felt like a poop, but that makes sense since I had a third degree tear which goes from vagina into rectal muscles. It isn't the worst, though, a fourth degree goes into the rectum, ouch!
When she came out, at 4:04 pm, she wasn't at all cone-headed, and her color was good. She gave a good cry as the cord was cut. I guess they pulled the placenta out, but I didn't pay attention because they cleaned her off and I got to hold her. It was so beautiful! I think she's the thing I'm proudest of in my whole life- she is so perfect! A great mop of dark hair that was curly, and now seems straight.
It took about 30-40 minutes to make "repairs" to me. Again, SO SO SO glad for epidural man! They were done by about 5 pm and cleaned me up. I still smelled poopy when I shifted and let the nurse know...sure enough, alot of poopy mess underneath me. That was getting cleaned up as the first visitors arrived: daddy, my sister, then mom and Jim.
At 7 pm I was transferred to my recovery room. I had to be on a gurney since I kept almost passing out. I guess I lost alot of blood, plus I pass out sort of easily. I was pretty tired.
That is the story, though there is more to tell. Hard to explain to non-parents exactly how much time a little one takes. I had no idea, I thought people exaggerated it. Nope. Full time just recovering and feeding! But that is a whole other story.
Okay, I've got lots to take care of and do (especially sleep) but I wanted to get this down before I forget the details.
First, Charlotte was about a week earlier than I thought she'd be, and about two weeks earlier than my doctor thought. So I planned to take care of all kinds of details on Sunday and just relax this week and prepare for the baby. Stuff I had to do included: Pack hosptial bag, get changing table and diaper pails set up, buy stuff at target/babies r us, clean the house, buy thank you notes, etc.
Instead, I chose to use my last free day at "teach a friend to homebrew day", which was nice and fun. It was a long day, we were at Hoffmaster State park about 11 am and ended in a parking lot a few miles away about 6 or 7 pm (long story for another day there). I had chili and brats. That part is important later.
That night, I thought a bath would be nice, but when I got in to soak, my giant belly just stuck right out of the water so it wasn't as good as I'd hoped. I did take the chipped nail polish off my toes and repainted them (as well as I could reach) and I managed to shave my legs, which I was happy about later.
Dave and I started a movie and at 9:30, which is pretty lame, decided we were both exhausted and to just go to bed. I thought about how Jen told me, "any night you don't get sleep and feel crummy, you could go into labor the next day so pamper yourself and don't get too tired". But I thought I was safe for about a week.
At about 11 pm I started my usual waking up alot routine of discomfort, but it was different. I felt sort of sick. No contraction, not really nauseous, just not right. ANd I was waking up 20 to 35 minutes or so. I had crazy dreams that someone was in labor (yeah, I didn't think it was me) and then I felt like I wet the bed, but not becuase it wasn't a trickle and it wasn't under my control, it was a whoosh. so I staggered/dripped to the bathroom and it just kept coming. It was 3 am. I went downstairs and called Dr. Murphy and I was on the phone when Dave actually woke up (he sleeps like the dead) and he figured out what was happening. The doctor told me to go to the hospital and I asked if it was alright if it took a little while since I wasn't even packed yet. He said it sounded like I wasn't having real contractions so it was okay. Dave got in the shower and I packed (thought I forgot all kinds of stuff) and we got to the hospital about 4 am. We checked in and they put us in triage to make sure I was in labor or needed to be there (water breaking was a good reason, even if it is premature). I was feeling mild contractions that were about 5 minutes apart, but very tolerable. I breathed throught them alright and thought I was doing great. I was not dilated at all :-( but about 90% effaced.
I was transferred to a labor and delivery room at about 5 am and contractions continued and got stronger. Dave rested on the couch and I on the bed and I listened to my relaxation tapes and relaxed (or tried to) until about 6:20. The contractions were different than I thought they'd feel. I felt alot like I was taking a tough poop, there was loads of pressure on my butt and back. The abdomen wasn't doing much, except down really low. I was sure I was making tons of progress since the contractions were getting really strong. I begged them to check me. 1 cm. "that's it?!" I said. A little frustrating.
This basic pattern continued, gradually getting stronger. The new nurse came on at 7 am and I got in the tub at about 7:20. Pretty much the same experience as before with my tummy being out and cold. When I was on my side it was much more painful, so I didn't do that. David helped me as much as he could, but there was little he could do. After that for a while, they checked my dilation again. No progress. a cm, maybe plus a little, but not really. The nurse said that she noticed I wanted to have as natural a birth as possible (avoing pain killers) and I said that I was starting to change my mind, maybe if I was just at 1 cm. and it was already this bad.
It was weird because I knew I was having these really hard contractions and I think they were 2 to 4 minutes apart, which is pretty close and steady for no progress to happen. But my back was getting worse and worse. The pain was getting really tough to deal with. My body was having a hard time with it. Before the contractions, I'd start just shaking, pretty hard, then it'd go into the contraction. The shaking was scary becasue I knew it was coming! I'd wave Dave over and then when he tried to take my hand I'd push him away (I didn't want to crush his hand). Dave was calling folks to say what was going on and Andy called and suggested he rub my back. That helped. The nurse had me get into hands and knees position, but that was like being on my side- more painful!
This whole time, every contraction, more water is letting loose. I didn't know that the placenta continued making amniotic fluid. I felt like I was in a swamp! The nurse kept changing the pad and blankets and eventually had to get another linen bin because we went through so many!
I asked for an epidural at about 8:30 or 9 am and they called Dr. Murphy and he said he'd get there about 10:15 to check me. He wanted to make sure I was making progress so they put my on pitocin. THat was tough because I was already feeling at my limit for contractions and pitocin makes them harder, more powerful.So I dealt with that for while :-(
Dr. Murphy got there right when he said. He checked me and I was still pretty much at 1 cm!! He watched the pattern of contractions and since they were coming in doubles and triples and still 2-4 minutes apart, he told me was back labor, which I hadn't even thought of, I thought it was totally normal. But it made sense since my back was being severed (it felt like). I felt like such a baby since I was only at 1 cm and begging for epidural, but the nurse said she's seen women who've had a few natural births have back labor and get an epidural fast. The reason I had back labor was that she was turned facing up instead of down. The back of her head was pressing on my spine. Ouch!
Dr. Murphy thought maybe epidural was a good idea; if I got relaxed enough, maybe she'd turn over. You can have a baby in a posterior position, but it isn't easy and not everyone can do it. So great, get that guy in here with the drugs!! But he was having a busy morning and he didn't get there until 11:20. In the mean time I was really losing it. I asked for Jesus more than once and told Dave to just get away and I was in hands and knees to give her room to flip, but that didn't really help. They also put a monitor on her head (I guess it gets screwed into the scalp) for her heartbeat since she was under different pressure than usual and we wanted to make sure we knew what was going on with her).
At 11:15 or so, he finally got there and started the preparations for the epidural, which unfortunately took long than I thought it would. Having 3 or 4 contractions while having the drugs right there but not in my was hard. It was harder still that I was having to sit up without any thing to really lean on or grap on when they hit. After he got it in (and I was careful to do everything he asked since an epidural can possibly result in paralysis or be just on one side, or go into the wrong space and cause bad headaches if it isn't applied correctly) I felt better. I asked if it was psychosomatic, and they said, no, it was just starting to work.
I nearly cried with relief. I love epidural man! I actually slept a little and rested alot and just couldn't beleive that I felt so good. I'd watch the monitor show my contractions and marvel. So at 12:30 or so I was at about 4 cm. That's 3 cm in one hour, yea! AN hour later, at 1:30 I was at 7, half an hour later at 2 I was at 8, and at 2:30 had just a little left to go.
Here is a gross part: since I couldn't feel much and the contractions pushed against my rectum, I was farting quite a bit. Plus, I had a suspicion there was more than just gas there. Sure enough, the nurse cleared away a poopy sheet more than once). Remember those brats and chili? ew. But I know it is normal, I just don't think the smell level was normal.
By this time, she'd turned over :-) but then it was scary because her heart tones would drop every now and again. Not a big deal if it is a little bit, but her's were really tanking. This meant that the cord was likely wrapped around something.
This is scary because every contraction to move her down puts her at a risk of oxygen loss (read: brain damage when I heard it). The doctor said we might need a cesarean, and if so, it would be emergency and we'd have to use general anesthetic (not time to make sure the epidural was right). But he said we might be able to still do it vaginally. For that to happen, it was a race against getting her through the birth canal fast enough. That meant probably help (forceps) and hard pushing work. I asked about the vacuum, but her head was a little crooked still and he needed to turn her as she came out and the vacuum wouldn't be able to do that as well as forceps.
So we went for it; I pushed about every other or every two contractions to give her heartones a chance to normalize. For pushing contractions I pushed ten seconds three times in a row. Sometime in there I guess the doctor had to cut me (episiotomy) in order to get the forceps in. They look like shoe-horns. I didn't notice but I'm impressed Dave didn't pass out watching that!
THe nurse had one leg and Dave had the other and I grabbed the instep of each foot. I was glad we practiced this in yoga. I could see on the doctors gloves lots of blood and also some poo...it must have been a mess down there. It was hard to know where to push since (blessedly) I couldn't really feel it. But the doctor said I'm a champ because I only pushed for about 20 minutes, and I think a total of 6 or so contractions. When she came out, it sort of felt like a poop, but that makes sense since I had a third degree tear which goes from vagina into rectal muscles. It isn't the worst, though, a fourth degree goes into the rectum, ouch!
When she came out, at 4:04 pm, she wasn't at all cone-headed, and her color was good. She gave a good cry as the cord was cut. I guess they pulled the placenta out, but I didn't pay attention because they cleaned her off and I got to hold her. It was so beautiful! I think she's the thing I'm proudest of in my whole life- she is so perfect! A great mop of dark hair that was curly, and now seems straight.
It took about 30-40 minutes to make "repairs" to me. Again, SO SO SO glad for epidural man! They were done by about 5 pm and cleaned me up. I still smelled poopy when I shifted and let the nurse know...sure enough, alot of poopy mess underneath me. That was getting cleaned up as the first visitors arrived: daddy, my sister, then mom and Jim.
At 7 pm I was transferred to my recovery room. I had to be on a gurney since I kept almost passing out. I guess I lost alot of blood, plus I pass out sort of easily. I was pretty tired.
That is the story, though there is more to tell. Hard to explain to non-parents exactly how much time a little one takes. I had no idea, I thought people exaggerated it. Nope. Full time just recovering and feeding! But that is a whole other story.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
"It's a big baby"
Yesterday (Wednesday) I went to see the doctor. It was a good visit, although he told me that I shouldn't set my heart on delivering early because every day I go over will be that much harder. He said since my due date is Nov. 15, I might go a week late, which would put me at Thanksgiving! Good lord, I hope I don't go that long.
He did say that I'm "disabled" from working and that I should rest, and I agreed so tomorrow, the 3rd will be my last day. It is a tough decision because I know that my FMLA time starts right away and I'll only get twelve weeks off work, no matter when little Charlotte arrives. But I decided that I do need rest (desperately) and as long as I can have it (since I do have the studpid short term disability) I should take advantage to prepare myself metally and also just prepare the house. Like maybe cleaning a little :-)
The doctor said at first he expected the baby to be about 6.5 or 7 pounds, but then he felt (which isn't very comfortable) and said, whoa, she'd pretty far down there and she's not small. He thinks she might be about 7.5 now, so I could deliver her at 8.5 to 9.5 pounds. Not a surprise since I, myself, was 9.5 pounds.
As far as progress, he thinks I'm about 25% effaced (which refers to the thinning of the cervix). This means almost nothing. I could go into labor tomorrow, or in three weeks. I do think that positive thinking and me feeling ready might help. I haven't had any contractions, but I have felt a little crampy. I'm pretty excited and curious just to meet her and to find out what my "story" is.
I have mixed feeling about leaving work, since I think, well, I could probably do another week...but my sub has been here all week and I told him that I'd be gone starting Monday. I'm sick of school since it is the last week of the marking period and I've been going nuts with grading and just getting everything as prepared and settled as I can. But every day at school is a little bit of a battle. I'm working from 7 to about 5, then a couple of hours of work at home...I'm just so tired right now! I can't sleep most nights and I'd take naps if I had time. Watch, as soon as I stop working, I'll be able to sleep fine.
He did say that I'm "disabled" from working and that I should rest, and I agreed so tomorrow, the 3rd will be my last day. It is a tough decision because I know that my FMLA time starts right away and I'll only get twelve weeks off work, no matter when little Charlotte arrives. But I decided that I do need rest (desperately) and as long as I can have it (since I do have the studpid short term disability) I should take advantage to prepare myself metally and also just prepare the house. Like maybe cleaning a little :-)
The doctor said at first he expected the baby to be about 6.5 or 7 pounds, but then he felt (which isn't very comfortable) and said, whoa, she'd pretty far down there and she's not small. He thinks she might be about 7.5 now, so I could deliver her at 8.5 to 9.5 pounds. Not a surprise since I, myself, was 9.5 pounds.
As far as progress, he thinks I'm about 25% effaced (which refers to the thinning of the cervix). This means almost nothing. I could go into labor tomorrow, or in three weeks. I do think that positive thinking and me feeling ready might help. I haven't had any contractions, but I have felt a little crampy. I'm pretty excited and curious just to meet her and to find out what my "story" is.
I have mixed feeling about leaving work, since I think, well, I could probably do another week...but my sub has been here all week and I told him that I'd be gone starting Monday. I'm sick of school since it is the last week of the marking period and I've been going nuts with grading and just getting everything as prepared and settled as I can. But every day at school is a little bit of a battle. I'm working from 7 to about 5, then a couple of hours of work at home...I'm just so tired right now! I can't sleep most nights and I'd take naps if I had time. Watch, as soon as I stop working, I'll be able to sleep fine.
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